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Some TES raps, will add more later.

Boethiah Jumps in for Lorkhan


The T is for truth and I got somethin to confess, I’m the hardest god around, that’s why that hole’s in your chest, got you and your children obsessed, with the concept of your death, your spirits may have the thu’um but I’m spittin fire from my breath, you close your ears in defiance, don’t want to hear what I say, I’ll beat you until I have compliance, hear this Trinimalarkay, I spit malarkey every day, until my lies become true, take a look at me indifferently shoving my fist into you. 

All Black everything, that’s how I creep on ya, petty vengeful wrathful bitch, and the name’s Boethiah, Got almost all of the vowels, you know, A E I O U, and I’m only missing one, so bitch that means I’m eating you, swallow you whole like a snake, I slither ‘round through the grit, you should really thank a bitch, because before you weren’t shit, I take a shit upon the Chimer, that’s why your people green, grotesque gratuitous slime that should never be seen, and for what you did to lorkhan, I took revenge on you intimately, vividly picture me as I crap out your holy trinity.

Almalexia to Sotha Chill

I be, I be, I be up all night and through the A.M. causin mayhem, the name’s Ayem, I’m a living diadem, dazzling diva dropped a gem, hide away inside a city, clock, your humble abode, but watch your back, I’m bout to crack you open like a geode, bow to the Queen because “The Ending of the Words” begins with I, you put the SI in ALMSIVI, cause you’re a Yesman typa guy, I wonder why we even kept the wannabe walking tin can, I can, no longer stay my hand, it’s time to cut the middle man.

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"Even the hardest dick must go flaccid." -Colonelkillabee

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Heimskr Sermon


The Word of Heimskr

by ColonelKillaBee

I alone have been anointed to spread his holy word,

By the Nine to speak for Talos, Legion haven’t you heard?

He’s Talos the unerring, Talos the Unassailable,

How dare you step to me and tell me my god is unprayable?

He’s the one who started your Empire’s whole construction,

But the Thalmor got you writhing in the filth of your corruption!

With Numidium, he caused millions of mer fatalities,

Don’t hate because a man rose from the dung of his mortality!

He was once man, aye! And as man he said,

“I won’t stop until you bow or ‘til all of you are dead!”

“The name is Talos, let me show you the power”

That’s why I preach his mighty word every minute and hour,

Just like their tower he’s gonna knock ‘em down and cause mer to splinter,

Cuz I’m born of the North where my breath is long winter!

I breathe now and reshape this land which is mine,

Cuz he is Talos, not the man, but Talos the Divine!

I still love you Red Legions, Aye love, love!

Even as you all betray me while I watch from above,

Each one of you held….the future of Tamriel,

But now you serve the elves because you’re under their spell,

And there it is friends, the whole ugly truth!

If you think that I’m lying, the treaty is the proof!

The true god of man, raised to the realm of spirit,

That’s why those elves are hatin and they don’t want to hear it,

The idea is inconceivable to our elf overlords,

Not only is a man a god, but that man is a Nord!

Nords were blessed with greatness from the day of our birth,

That’s why the elves can’t tolerate our presence on earth,

Will you let them take your businesses? Your children? Your lives?

The Stormcloaks surely will not! Not while Jarl Ulfric’s alive!

And the Empire does nothing to settle the score,

The Imperial machine makes you bend to the will of the Thalmor!

So Riiiise up, and join Stormcloaks, who are better,

So we, not the elves, will rule Skryrim…FOREVER!!!!!!!


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"Even the hardest dick must go flaccid." -Colonelkillabee

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Fjori and Holgeir


Listen to my tale, ye raised by the blade, look at Fjori as she walks slowly, creeping 'cross the glade, glistening in the shade, her black axe of Snake's blood, wicked wretched Fjori...

Thirty five Winters, wandering through the field, laying many low, her sorrow she wields, whipping through stormy seas, wishing one would set her free, kiss of Kyne carry her from her woe....

Listen to my tale, ye raised by the blade, look at Holgeir as he walks slowly, creeping 'cross the glade, slithering now as he sings, seductive as a luter's strings, wicked wretched Holgeir...

Thirty-Nine Winters, wandering through the field, laying many low, his loneliness he wields, running through enemies, hoping one would set him free, kiss of Kyne carry him from his woe...

Masser, Secunda, watched them as they fought, striking to and fro until their weapons caught, bloodied, battered, bent, but neither one would relent, until they found love instead of sorrow...

Wedded on that day, they soon had their peace, tears were held at bay, no longer did they weep, none stood in their way, all rival clans gave to their say, and their days were at ease, Holgeir and Fjori...


Listen to my tale, ye raised by the blade, look at Lorkhan as he crawls slowly, creeping, 'cross the glade, bearing that elven name... beware Shor the same, Holgeir, Fjori...

He spoke to them both, wicked and holy, he bit poor Holgeir, watch him die slowly, seeping into sky, watching the Whale as he died, til Fjori cured him, listen to Shor's cry...

"Weakened by this love, you are to serve me! I will preserve you, keep you holy, come now with me battle-bard, marred by cuts and battle scars..." Fjori heard enough... "Raise your sword, lord..."

Cut him down she did, but he would return, their place in this world by blood they would both earn, sword and shield constantly wield, or low before him would we kneel, early before our time is to come.

For Shor's face changes just like Masser and Secunda, cruel and kind is he, watch out for him, ever does he come to test, never truly can we rest, til Sovngarde comes for us all-


Til Sovngarde comes, for every last Nord, shield wife and husband will stand surely, weakness we cannot afford, meet our foes with Axe and Sword! Show them all the way of Skyrim Nords!



From here:



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"Even the hardest dick must go flaccid." -Colonelkillabee

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Uriel V's invasion map

Oh god it took six hours to make but out of bordom I went and made a timeline of Uriel V's invasion of Roscrea how it played out in my lore. From editing 77 pieces of art with a tedious and shitty program to putting it all on Imgur and narrating it, I've gotten so tired. It's nowhere near as good as Witch artwork and BT's map but it's my on lil' contribution to the art page.

Uriel's Invasion of Roscrea.

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On 4/25/2019 at 7:39 PM, ColonelKillaBee said:

BITCH, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,

Ey lemme tell ya sumthin, ima git ya bitch a cummin, she comin to my coven wid all my sistas and my cousins, I spread her legs like butter, she a easy bake oven, me an my nigga Baldur stuff er like a fuckin muffin.

Bitch no I ain’t bluffin, bitch no we ain’t buggin, got her hands down and to this bed frame bitch I’m cuffin, the head game insane bitch I’m bout to blow her brains out, eat er roundabout then beat the pussy till the lips pout,

Bitch my name is Dales, the pussy never stale, I beat it to the mattress till I knock it off the rails, I like the ass fat, pussy juicy, skin pale, and I got the pussy shivering like niggas in the Pale. 


Ey, ey, eyyyy,

Look at me bitch, yea it’s Baldur, got er shoutin, I’m shoutin off a mountain, got er gushin, water spoutin,

Faster faster faster, I spit flames, no spell caster, I’m slathering ya bitch, covered in that alabaster,

I’m livin in the pussy, cause ya bitch a homebody, yea she nasty, she a hotty, spread the pussy like wasabi,

My bitches all ratchet, my crown stay fuckin jagged, keep ya hoe from round me, cause if I see cooch, I’ma snag it...

Ya bitch say that she need a King, and that ya dick game dwindled, I’m cracking skulls, we breakin hulls cause bitch I’m Unkindled.




"Even the hardest dick must go flaccid." -Colonelkillabee

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